First Day of the Rest of My Life

I started this Journal 08/24/04 and the last entry I made was 08/11/05.  And here it is Dec of 2007 and I am finally writing again. I started it because I wanted so desperately to do something that I had felt God wanted me to do.  It was something that my heart cried out to do. Each time I would write I always felt before I would finish that this could maybe help others. God has done so much for me and I always feel like it is God that is giving me the things to write. I am not educated enough to be a writer and never know the right things to say. I sincerely believe it is God who guides my hands.  When I start writing I do not even know what I am going to write.

For years time has been my worse enemy. I am constantly working myself to death trying to catch up so I will have the time to do the important things like this but the time never gets here.  I vowed to myself in 2004 when I got cancer the second time that I would not let that keep happening but I did. Every day I just worked harder and longer hours trying to get caught up and I got no where. It was like I was on a tread mill going faster and faster but was going no where.  I changed jobs and went to work for my son in law in Jan 2006.  His business is in California so I went out there and worked for 7 months learning his business and trying to get his accounting caught up. I just worked harder and longer hours than ever because this was my daughter and son in law and I wanted to make things easier for them. The Co-Dependent in me wanted to fix things. At the end of July I came back to Tennessee and still working for my son in law but working at home.  I thought I would have more time now to write since I was working at home. I was wrong because I still worked the same way. I would hit this computer at 8 am and work way past quitting time until I was too tired to do any more. None of this was my son in law or daughters fault.  It was what I wanted to do and what I did. They did not want or expect me to work this way. They were trying to help me by making it so I could be at home more so I just didn't tell them. I just kept working that way. In  Sept 2006 I had a heart attack and found out I had a 90 percent blockage and the Dr put a stint in and told me I still have two more blockages, one 60 percent and one 40 percent. I still kept on going the same way. My blood pressure is of course way up most of the time even though I take medication.  I do not like the idea of going to the Doctor for it takes up time so I put that off as long as possible. Somewhere along the line I started thinking that when I sell my house I will retire. Or I think when I do this or when I do that I will retire.  Then I gave it a date, I would retire the 1st of March when I reach 65 but maybe work a few days a week if I haven't sold the house.  Then I started realizing time is going to run out for me to get a chance to do the things for me that I want to do but I still kept pushing it. The number one thing I wanted was to have time to write in my journal.  I want to practice my guitar. I had bought a dobro because I wanted to learn how to play it. But I just never had the time to write or the time to practice the guitar or learn how to play  the dobro. I wanted to not worry about time any more. 

This past Monday I went into my Journal and read some of the posts and the comments people had written. I realized how much I needed to write and wanted to write.  I realized I just can't do this any more and time is going to run out for me and I decided that no matter what happens I am going to retire now.  On Tuesday morning I called my daughter and told her I am going to go ahead and retire. I told her I will need to work a couple of days a week or maybe three until my house sells.  I went to the Social Security office and I am now officially retired starting the 1st of this month.  Tonight is my first entry in my Journal since Aug 2005 and I hope it will not be my last for I have so much I want to write about. Reading the posts and comments people left for me opened my eyes and I am so very grateful to those people. I wish I knew how to get in touch with them all and let them know how very much they helped me.

This week I have taken the time in the mornings to sit on my sofa which I never sit on because I am always too busy with other things. While I have my coffee I read in a book I recently bought. The title is Just Like Jesus Devotional. It is so very good. It is a thirty day walk with the Savior teaching us to love like he does.  I find myself getting irritated and taking it out on others lately and I do not like myself when I do that.  Besides the other things  I mentioned that I want to do I also want to not forget to be compassionate, understanding and love. People are important and God wants us to love one another as he loves us.

When anyone reads my journal,  if there is anything that touches them I pray that they will please leave a comment for me or e-mail me and let me know. If you just want to make a comment that is OK too.  It always warms my heart and helps me to know that people are seeing this. 

God Bless you all