Dear Heavenly Father

 

I reflect on the past 11 years as I sit here this morning waiting for a phone call that will tell me if I am going to be able to get my son into treatment today for drugs and alcohol. I remember when I was carrying him your telling me that this was going to happen.  So many times in the past 11 years I have thought about that.  I don’t know why I was forewarned about this.  Maybe this was meant to be for a reason.  Maybe you have a plan for him.  Maybe you have a plan for both of us.  Maybe it is just something that happened and you only forewarned me because I know that you see from eternity to eternity.  I don’t know why this is happening and I do not question why for I know that you are with us and that is all that matters.  There is so much pain and suffering in this world and I pray Dear Lord that you will reach down and comfort each and every one who is going through trials right now.  I ask that you remember the homeless, the sick, and hurting lonely people in this world.   It is only because of your great love and mercy for us that we find any comfort and peace at all so I ask that those who do not know you will somehow hear your call and will turn to you.  I think of the pain I see in my son and the torment he goes through I see the fear in him and the sadness and loneliness in his eyes.  I remember his telling me with tears in his eyes.  “Mama I don’t want to be like this.”  I see him sitting on the sofa with his head down and him saying, “Mama I feel so lonely.”  I see him running into my room one night around 10 o’clock when he was 16 with tears of joy running down his face and laughing and beating his chest and saying, “Mama God saved me.  He saved me.  He just pulled it all out he pulled all the hurt from me.  I was down on my knees and I was hurting so bad in my heart and I just kept praying and praying for him to save my soul.  He was there Mama I could feel him right above me and then God reached down and pulled the hurt out and God said, “it’s ok.”   He was so excited and such a look of joy on his face he glowed.  Thank you Lord for saving my son’s soul.  Thank you for being with him.  One night a few months ago my son called me and we talked about 2 hours and he talked about all the things that had happened in the last several years and how confused and scared he is and how terrified he is that something will happen to me or his Dad.  He asked me if I think he will go to Hell and why is he like this.  He told me again about how God had saved him.  Word for word he relived his salvation that night.   He said, “Mama God is here in this room with me right now, but Mama Satan is here too.”  Sometimes I am so afraid, sometimes the tears seem to never stop and the pain in my heart for my son is excruciating and I feel so alone and helpless but I know that I am not alone. I know that you are always here with me whether I can feel you or not. When I do not feel your presence I know that it is something within me that is causing me not to be able to feel your presence.  You have helped me through so many trials I know that whatever trials I face you will be with me and you have helped my son through so much I know you will always be with him.  You have said that you will never forsake us and I know the power of prayer and I know that I have friends and family that are praying for us.  Knowing that I have friends and family that care and are praying for us and that you hear our prayers gives me the strength to go on.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Lord sometimes I don’t know what to ask for because I know that you know what is best but please if it is your will please I beg of you take this demon from my son.  Put all the pain on me and take it from him.  I am stronger and he is weak.  This demon alcohol and drugs that Satan is in control of has made him sick, weak and vulnerable.  I ask this of you but if what I ask of you is not your will please give us the strength and the knowledge to do your will.   Lead us and guide us to find the help my son needs.  Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the strength to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

Thank you Lord for always being with us, thank you for my precious family, all my wonderful dear friends I work with, all my dear friends everywhere who have stood by me and prayed for us. 

In our precious Lord Jesus Christ name I humbly pray

Amen

 

 

THANK YOU Shirley

dear shirley,i found you by the tag you left in my journal(thanks so much)yes,it seems we have alot in common for our purpose.
first i want to say,you are surely blessed by God's Spirit and you are doing everything you can think of to stay in His will and out of His way...i do want to point out something though if you don't mind....i have found through the Word and prayer that when we don't "feel" His presence,it doesn't mean we're doing anyhting wrong.it just means we're are climbing alittle higher up the mountain and gaining more faith(we are growing)and asking Him for strength and grace to endure whatever He allows us to is an "act of Faith"...so don't be so hard on yourself..don't get me wrong,i have no room to talk,it's just something i've learned and with all that we also gain Wisdom which i believe is a special Gift and one of the many mysteries our Lord wants us to find.....
as for your son,he is in my prayers with you.my son is going through the same tribulation,his dad died 7 years ago this coming may and he hasn't been the same since.and as far as God forwarning you,i have that same Gift(some would call it a curse)i learned the hard way to just accept it because God made me and He knows what i can and cannot handleso He usually always forwarns me of everything to do with those i love because He knows i don't handle "sudden" bad news too well.
it doesn't always feel like it's any easier but He does know what He is doing.
my faith is being put to the test "maybe more now than ever"for something i am about to face for and with my son,and i know i must pray for God's will to be done,because,with or without a fight from me,He will have His way....
i love your site and plan to come back often,please feel free to do the sameo:)
one more thing..your words are very encouraging.thanks for sharing your innermost feelings with us all.