Dear Heavenly Father

Here I am again.  I am not sure if the words will come or not but somehow I feel that I should write something.  As you well know Dear Lord this has been a tough few weeks.  I've gone over so many things in my mind and I am so scared.  I feel bad that I am so scared.  I talk about how much faith I have in you but I wonder do I have as much faith as I claim. If I do then I should not be so afraid. Yet I know that I do have  faith in you and I know without a doubt that you will be with me whatever happens.  It is just tearing my heart out to see my son go through so much pain.   The alcohol and drugs has robbed him of 11 years of his life.  How many more is it going to rob him of?   When he was beaten so bad and I was called to the Vanderbilt trauma center and saw him lying there where that guy had beaten him so badly with a skillet it did something to me I can't forget.  When I found out the law didn't do anything to the guy an only charged him with simple assault I wanted revenge.  It ate at me like a cancer.  It took a few times for you to get through to me and for me to let it go.  Then last week when he was found unconscious and starting to go into a coma,  then the young girl dying a few days ago from an over dose of drugs and then hearing of the young girl hanging herself has put such a fear in  me that I can't seem to get rid of.  Lord for so long I have prayed that you just keep him safe and alive and that you just give me the strength to let your will be done.  But now I am begging you Dear Heavenly Father please please take this demon from him.  He is still here with me this week since they found him unconscious and he got out of the hospital.  We finally have found a rehab place last week that he can get into but they would not have room for him until Feb 2nd so tomorrow I will take him there.   He has tried so hard this week to stay straight and wants so bad to get help.  He has hoped as I have that they would call and say that he could go sooner but finally the day is almost here.  He is also afraid and I am afraid though of how strong will he be when he gets out and will it start all over again as it has so many times.  Thank you Lord for helping us make it through this past week.  My son and I have had several long talks this past week and I can tell he is almost at a point where he is so weak he feels hopeless and I keep telling him to never give up and that I will not give up until we get help for him.   I keep telling him to turn it over to you and to keep praying.  I reminded him of how hard and earnestly and humbly he prayed the night you saved him.  He loves you and knows how you have helped him so many times but he is weak and scared.  Thank you Lord for all you have done for both my son and for me.  Thank you for always being with us.  I have heard you today tell me that you will never forsake me and I know that you will never forsake either of us and I am trying to not be so scared.  Forgive me Lord and remember that I too am weak and am only human.  I will take whatever pain comes my way but I can't help dreading it and not wanting it to come.  I can take the pain for myself so much easier than I can watch someone else suffer especially someone I love as I love my children.  I want to see my son laugh and smile and be happy.  I have always taught my children that love and happiness is the most important thing in the world and my son loves deeply but he hasn't known happiness for such a long time.  Night before last my son and I had a long talk and he said, "Mama I wish I had never taken that first drink or that first drug."  I pray Dear Lord that somebody will read this and see the pain here and it will prevent them from going down this same road.  If it will just stop at least one person it will be worth it all.  

Amen